Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
