you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
