True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
