I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
