Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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