FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
