Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
