On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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