Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
