how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
