Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
