We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
