What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
