Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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