got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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