how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
