True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
