we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
