Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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