the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
