wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
