shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
