I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
