apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my shit smells like andre
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
