why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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