# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
