Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
