I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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