I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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