I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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