I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
