She's JV to your varsity
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
