You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
