I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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