I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
