Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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