You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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