My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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