to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
