the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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