i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
