She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
