I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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