He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
