A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
