you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
