how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You did what with his pubic hair?
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