I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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