week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
