I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I need to stop coming to work sober
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
