It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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