wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
