also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
